He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
