You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We have started to decorate penises.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
