It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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