I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
