wanna go halves on a baby?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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