Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
