69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
