The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize