Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
