i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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