I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
