We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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