I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
