I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
