Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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