I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
