You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
