I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize