After last night, I could never be a politician.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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