i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
