Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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