Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
