My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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