My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
