You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
