So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
