u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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