If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
