Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Found your dick twin last night
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
