i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
