I CAN MOONWALK!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
