I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The adults are the big ones right?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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