Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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