We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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