FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
