Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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