i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
