Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
