i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
