every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
