He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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