That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
