dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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