how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
