You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
