I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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