Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize