I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
