Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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