She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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