How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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