Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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