No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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