Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
