Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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