oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Randomize
