evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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