somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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