two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
