i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
