there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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