his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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