cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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