She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
