Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
