there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize