Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
