If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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