My friends, they love my intelligence
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize