Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
