He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
