i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
