every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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