he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
