Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
