it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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