I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
