I think I died a long time ago.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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